February 03, 2011
Pencil
: I'm sorry
: I'm sorryEraser
: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.Pencil: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
: I'm sorry because you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.
: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way, they get hurt, and become smaller / older, and eventually pass on. Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse
), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.
), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad. All my life, I've been the pencil. And it pains me to see the eraser that is my parents getting smaller and smaller each day. For I know that one day, all that I'm left with would be eraser shavings and memories of what I used to have.
This is to all the parents out there.
January 31, 2011
The Art of Appraisal :) :)
Posted by tellcs.com | January 31, 2011 | Category:
Corporate Jokes
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Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding
. So, your rating is "average".Kumar: What? How come 'average'?
Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.
Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
Kumar: What???
Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.
Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*
Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember? Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*
Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
Kumar: *head spinning*
Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.
Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?
Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?
Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?
Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
Kumar: *faints*
January 28, 2011
The obedient wife..
Posted by tellcs.com | January 28, 2011 | Category:
Corporate Jokes
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There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, And was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife...'
When I die, I want you to take all my money And put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife With me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him, with All of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. :(
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife
Was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket,
The wife said,
'Wait just a moment!'
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the
Casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, 'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with Your husband.'
The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian;
I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into The casket with him.'
You mean to tell me you put that money In the casket with him!?!?!?'
'I sure did,' said the wife.
'I got it all together, put it into my account, And wrote him a Cheque....
If he can cash it, Then he can spend it.'!!!!
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
Eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind
January 09, 2011
'50gms!’..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' …..the students said.
'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.
'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student
"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"
"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!" ….. ventured another student & all the students laughed
"Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" asked the professor.
'No'…. Was the answer.
"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"
The students were puzzled.
The students were puzzled.
"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.
"Put the glass down!" said one of the students
"Exactly!" said the professor.
Life's problems are something like this. Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.
Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache. Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.
It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep..
That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!
'50gms!’..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.
"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"
'Nothing' …..the students said.
December 28, 2010
3 PARROTS.........
Posted by tellcs.com | December 28, 2010 | Category:
Corporate Jokes
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A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500
.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000
,but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
."Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000
,but is an expert computer programmer.Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
December 16, 2010
December 11, 2010
It's another morning......... Again I have to go to the office.
Ohh!! this is me... I shouted, having a glance at my 'photo'
in today's news paper.But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??
Strange...
One second
.......Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don't remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.
.......Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don't remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.It's morning now, ohh....... It's already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and my boss will get a chance to irritate me..
Where is everyone...??? I screamed.
"I think there is a crowd outside my room, let me check." I said to myself.
So many people..... Not all of them crying......
But why some of them are crying....
WHAT IS THIS??? I'm lying there on the floor...
"I AM HERE" ....... I shouted!!! No one is listening.
"LOOK I AM NOT DEAD
" .... I screamed once again!!
" .... I screamed once again!!No one is interested in me.
They all were looking at me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room. "Am I dead??" I asked myself...
Where is my wife, my children, my Mom, my Dad, my friends?
They all were looking at me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room. "Am I dead??" I asked myself...
Where is my wife, my children, my Mom, my Dad, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying...still trying to console each other.My wife was crying... she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just because his Mom was sad..
How can I go without saying to my kid that I really love him,
I really do care for him. ??
How can I go without saying to my kid that I really love him,
I really do care for him. ??
How can I go without saying to my wife that she is really the most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying to my parents that I'm what I am ... just because of you??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I would have done most of the wrong things in my life... thanks for being there always when I need them...and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears....
Oh.... he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have a strong enough ego to keep us disconnected.
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I would have done most of the wrong things in my life... thanks for being there always when I need them...and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears....
Oh.... he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have a strong enough ego to keep us disconnected.
I went there..... And offered him my hand, "Dear friend.... I just want to say sorry for everything, we are still best friends, please forgive me."
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry... even then!!!
I really don't care for such people.
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry... even then!!!
I really don't care for such people.
But one second...... It seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.My goodness
...... AM I REALLY DEAD???I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying...
"OH ALMIGHTY
!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS..."
"OH ALMIGHTY
!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS..."I just wasn't to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much I love them.....
My wife entered the room, she looks beautifu
l.
"YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
" I shouted.
She didn't hear my words, in fact she never heard these words because I never said this to her.
"GOD!!!!" I screamed... a little more timeplzzzzz...
I cried...
My wife entered the room, she looks beautifu
l."YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
" I shouted.She didn't hear my words, in fact she never heard these words because I never said this to her.
"GOD!!!!" I screamed... a little more timeplzzzzz...
I cried...
One more chance please... to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud of me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends
for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life....
Then I looked up and cried!!
I shouted.......
"GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!"
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping....
Ohh that was just a dream....
My wife was there...
she can hear me...
This is the happiest moment of my life...
I hugged her and whispered....
"YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE..... I REALLY LOVE YOU, DEAR"
I can't understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I'm happy....
"THANK YOU GOD
FOR THIS SECOND CHANCE."
SO, now it's not late... Forget the egos, the Past... and express love to others.......
Be friendly...
Keep smiling...... forever....It is another chance For you...
Please let us do things more sincerely...
I hugged her and whispered....
"YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE..... I REALLY LOVE YOU, DEAR"
I can't understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I'm happy....
"THANK YOU GOD
FOR THIS SECOND CHANCE."SO, now it's not late... Forget the egos, the Past... and express love to others.......
Be friendly...
Keep smiling...... forever....It is another chance For you...
Please let us do things more sincerely...
It's another morning......... Again I have to go to the office.
Ohh!! this is me... I shouted, having a glance at my 'photo'
in today's news paper.
November 15, 2010
Performance and not position that ultimately counts
Posted by tellcs.com | November 15, 2010 | Category:
Corporate Jokes
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A Priest dies and is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who you are, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not.
The guy replies: I am an Autorikshaw Driver from Mumbai!!!
God consults his ledger… smiles and says: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf and enter the Kingdom of Heaven...
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven...
'Just a minute' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'
'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.
'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove, people PRAYED' It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts...
Performance and not position that ultimately counts
Posted by tellcs.com | | Category:
Corporate Jokes
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A Priest dies and is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God asks him: Please tell me who you are, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not.
The guy replies: I am an Autorikshaw Driver from Mumbai!!!
God consults his ledger… smiles and says: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf and enter the Kingdom of Heaven...
Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.
November 06, 2010
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